


Decaying Orbits

by forgetmenotjimmy



Series: Spaces [6]
Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Break Up, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Head Injury, Homophobia, Hospitals, M/M, Microaggressions, Nobody Dies, Season/Series 02, Team as Family, imperfect allyship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:33:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25187992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetmenotjimmy/pseuds/forgetmenotjimmy
Summary: Matt, Kelly and Shay deal with the question of Kelly's coming out as Matt and Marco face a wedge in their relationship.Then the world explodes and priorities shift. Some things though, never change.
Relationships: Matthew Casey/Original Male Character(s)
Series: Spaces [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1321724
Comments: 11
Kudos: 27





	1. Navigating

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back :D this is the penultimate part of this series so I hope to get it all done and uploaded this month - no promises though.  
> Just realised I ignored large sections of season 2 here. Oh well, everyone had enough to deal with already.  
> Unbeta'd so let me know if you spot anything.  
> Thanks for reading  
> :D

As promised, Casey made an effort to act normally around Severide on shift. They’d had their disagreements before, so it wasn’t unfamiliar territory, but this time was made more difficult by everyone else’s reactions. Most of Truck were wary of Severide, not fully understanding his reasons for what he did; their conversations would falter when Severide came into a room and eyes would dart between the two Lieutenants. Though after a couple of shifts with Casey and Severide offering each other stiff nods but otherwise steering clear of each other, Truck settled a little.

Severide had reached out to Squad during his suspension and from what Casey had heard, they’d had some drinks and Severide had explained he’d been going through something. As far as Casey knew, Severide hadn’t specified exactly what the problem had been, but Casey thought that they had some idea. There was something about Tony’s expression, especially when Casey was around, it looked like he was searching for confirmation. Once Casey’d seen Tony and Capp exchange a look, implying they were in sync with whatever they were thinking.

Shay knew, of course, Kelly had told her pretty early on in his suspension. After he’d told Matt, Shay came to discuss it.

“So, you guys back in the day, huh?”

Body tensing, Matt coughed. He really didn’t want to drag up old feelings, especially in his office. Shay’s expression smoothed out.

“You don’t have to talk about it. I’m just surprised I didn’t see it sooner.” She frowned. “My gaydar really needs a lot of work.”

Matt shook his shoulders out. “Kelly’s been in denial for a long time. Even I didn’t think he was doing more than experimenting.”

Shay sat on the bed, crossing her arms. “You really okay with what he did?”

Glancing out at the bunkroom, Matt’s gaze dropped to his hands. “I understand it and I know he’s always going to be my friend…but it still hurts.”

Shay shuffled closer and put a hand on his knee. He looked up briefly to smile and Shay excused herself. 

…

Once the dust had settled, Kelly started talking about coming out. Whilst they weren’t 100% back on good terms, Kelly asked Matt to be there when he was discussing it with Shay. He knew that the decision would affect more than just himself. 

“It’ll look really bad if I come out now, after...” Kelly began, fingers fidgeting on his crossed leg.

“Don’t think about that.” Matt said.

“Yeah,” Shay nodded, bumping Kelly’s shoulder with hers, “the more representation we have, the more normal it will become. Sure it could be bad,” she looked concernedly at Matt, “but you can’t let that stop you.”

Kelly sighed.

“I should probably tell my folks first.” He closed his eyes and leant his head against the couch. “God, what will dad say?”

“He might have some good advice.” Shay suggested hopefully. “Tell you how you can spin it with the brass.”

Kelly snorted but didn’t reply for a minute. As he thought it over, Matt considered how Kelly’s sexuality would be received in comparison to his. Whilst opinions would be influenced by the incident with Welch, his father was highly respected and Kelly himself had won a lot of praise over the years. He was seen as having a lot of potential. Would that make him more easily accepted or less?

“I can’t imagine he’ll be thrilled.” Kelly said finally, opening his eyes.

“He loves you.” Matt said. “It might take him time to get his head around it but, I can’t imagine him, you know…”

“Disowning me?” Kelly finished, sardonic expression softening slightly as he looked at Matt.

“This isn’t some fourteen century English court.” Shay joked.

Kelly sighed. “I guess I’ll call him then.” And then he didn’t move.

“It’s a good start. Your parents, Boden, the House, everyone else.” Matt said after a moment.

Kelly nodded. “Yeah, thanks guys. I will, I’ll do that.”

“In your own time.” Shay insisted, her heart warming a little as she watched the two friends share tentative smiles.

…

Then in April, Chicago Med exploded.

Marco flew back that night, despite Matt insisting he didn’t have to. Everyone was whole and accounted for, even Gabby had been given the all-clear after being buried under rubble for a while. Matt himself was just banged up and shaken – nothing he couldn’t sleep off. Marco tackled Matt in a bear hug as soon as he came through the door around midnight. Exhausted, Matt just clung on.

“ _¿_ _Qué pasó? Mi amor,_ _¿_ _estás bien?_ ”

“I’m okay. I’m okay.” Matt answered, knees trembling slightly. Marco pulled back and then nodded to himself, shepherding Matt to the bedroom. Although Matt had already showered and forced down some food, he could still taste dust in his mouth and his skin felt crusty.

Marco helped him change into sleep clothes and lay him on the bed, sitting against the headboard and cradling Matt’s head on his lap.

Sniffing, Matt explained the events of the day as neutrally as possible, muscles aching from the exertion and stress of it all; his eyes so heavy. Marco listened silently, fingers light in Matt’s hair. Matt didn’t remember dropping off, but when he woke the next morning, Marco was still holding him.

For a couple of days, it felt like how it had been at the beginning: Marco told him all the funny stories from his travels, listened to Matt’s own stories and they shared chores like grocery shopping together. It was nice and comfortable and Matt found himself quickly relaxing back into the routine.

Then, Marco left his newest project on the kitchen counter. Matt saw it whilst he was getting ready for shift and almost choked when he read the title. _Burning the Closet: a gay firefighter’s story_. Matt just stared at it, frozen in place until Marco came into the room.

“It’s just a working title.” Marco joked.

“You’re serious.” Matt shook his head. “I always thought you were joking!”

Marco frowned lightly. “Well, I’m not.”

Matt pursed his lips.

“Come on, don’t judge it before you read it.” Marco nudged the manuscript towards Matt.

Huffing, Matt turned away. “I don’t want my life story in some book.”

“It’s not your life specifically. I’ve just taken bits and pieces.” Marco turned Matt around and wrapped his arms around his waist. “How can anyone blame me? You’re very inspiring.”

Matt’s expression didn’t change, nor did he look Marco in the eye. “Hmmm.”

“Matt.” Marco’s voice flattened out. “You know I would never do anything to hurt you, right?”

Matt sighed, finally hugging Marco back. “Yeah.”

Marco kissed him. “I love you.”

Brining a hand up to cup his boyfriend’s face, Matt leaned in more for a moment. Then he pulled back. “I love you too.”

“This is just a draft, it’s nowhere near finished and I don’t even know if it would get published anywhere.” Marco explained. “I promise I won’t talk to any editors before you’ve read it.”

Matt looked away again.

“Think about it?” Marco asked, ducking down slightly to meet Matt’s eyes.

“Okay. I need to get ready for shift.” Matt replied, pulling away.

Marco blew him a kiss, brows furrowed ever so slightly.

…

A month later and Matt still hadn’t come to a decision about the story. Marco was working on other things and still had to do promotion work for his upcoming novel so there wasn’t any urgency. Likewise, Matt’s construction job was getting busier the further into spring they went: some weeks he barely had any time to read the newspaper, let alone this…thing. That suited Matt just fine.

Boden’s wedding really was beautiful. The bride and groom looked so impossibly happy and Matt couldn’t think of anyone who deserved that more than Boden. As a subordinate, he’d only been vaguely aware of the Chief’s sad history concerning romance and marriage, so it was so satisfying to see his mentor beaming like that.

Everyone was having fun, dancing and nibbling at the food – there wasn’t any booze as most of them were on shift and privately Matt thought that was a good idea. They were in a working firehouse after all; drunken shenanigans could have become very dangerous very quickly. 

Gabby came up to Matt, nodding at the happy couple. “Think that’ll be you soon?”

He turned to Gabby, brow wrinkling slightly. “Uh, what makes you say that?”

“Well, you and Marco have been together for a while now, right?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Matt answered. “He’s been travelling a lot though.”

Gabby tilted her head, lip twisted in skepticism.

Matt wondered when had been the last time they’d had a heart to heart. He couldn’t remember. It made him realize that they’d drifted apart a lot. Time was, they’d support each other through hardships and were aware of how life was going in general. They each had other people for that now, he supposed.

Gabby nodded and wandered away, leaving Matt to think; except, did he have other people? Why hadn’t he been reminded of Marco? Sure they were at odds about that story idea, but that was hardly a deal breaker, was it?

He’d been prepared to risk his career for a future with Marco. They’d talked about fostering and Matt had sometimes imagined what it might be like to be married to him.

But now, none of those imagined futures seemed… possible. He asked himself why that was, but couldn’t think of an answer.

The bells interrupted his musing and everyone, Boden included, raced to the scene. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary as they trudged up to check the upper floors but without warning everyone was thrown into darkness and endless ringing. Mills was down and Casey’s heart in his throat as he helped carry him out.

When they came down the stairs, Casey thought that Shay was dead. The blood around her head, her expression, Severide’s choked voice: it was all very damning. But then Dawson was calling for another ambo, busying herself with the jump bag and the scene burst with renewed energy.

Casey helped load her into the ambulance, his fear for her quickly outpaced by his concern for Kelly – who looked a little wild-eyed.

Everyone went to the hospital and piled into the waiting room, talking in low voices and coughing intermittently. _What a day_ , Matt thought, gaze pulled towards Kelly again. His friend was standing against the wall, kicking it with his heel, expression pinched.

Matt wanted to go over and say something, but held back – only the doctor could offer anything useful. He tilted his head back to look at the ceiling and prayed.


	2. Redirecting

It was touch and go for a while – especially considering her previous head injury – but the doctor announced that Leslie was going to make a full recovery. She had to stay in hospital for a week, although Severide visited as much as he was physically able. He, Dawson and Cindy took the bulk of the ‘keeping Leslie from going mad with boredom’ duties, with others from the House popping up when they could. When Marco came back from his latest trip, he brought her flowers and made her laugh by flailing while trying to find a place for them among the mountain of get well cards. The doctors were trying to wean her off the strong pain meds at that point, so Marco’s crazy stories helped keep her mind off the intense banging in her skull.

Finally, she was discharged and Severide was beside himself – plumping pillows, keeping track of medications and cajoling her to ‘take it easy Shay goddami-’. Matt made a point of checking in with Severide and Shay separately – Severide on shift and Shay by text. Severide would give gruff, often-one word responses while poor Shay was trying to humor Severide as much as possible without feeling like a child.

_> Remind me why I like this man again_

She messaged one evening, after Severide had apparently spent half an hour accosting Shay with blankets, pillows and hot chocolate. Matt replied quickly, with a small smile on his lips.

_> Because he’s scared and trying his best_

Shay had sent back a sighing face, but hadn’t complained anymore.

Whilst seeing Severide fuss could be fun, it wasn’t always that way. The week after Shay was discharged, Matt’s phone rang in the middle of the night. It was Severide.

“Sev, what’s up? Is everything okay?”

“Um, yeah, no. Nothing’s wrong I just, uh… I can’t sleep.”

Matt’s shoulders relaxed and he waved a hand at Marco’s sleepy concern; padding out to the living room, he slumped onto the couch.

“What are you thinking about?” He asked.

“Just stupid stuff.­” Kelly mumbled back.

“Anything you wanna talk about?”

“No.”

“You need me to come over?”

Kelly sighed. “No. Sorry.”

“Ah, it’s okay.” Matt thought for a moment. “Did you hear what Otis and Herrmann were arguing about last shift?”

Kelly replied that he didn’t, so Matt launched into the tale, trying to give as much details as possible, maybe embellishing a little. Kelly only responded with grunts but Matt could tell he was listening. They talked for a bit longer, before Matt failed to cover a big yawn and Kelly rang off. Tapping his phone against his jaw, Matt considered what more he could do to help.

Groaning, he climbed off the couch and slid back into bed. Marco rolled over and snuggled close, Matt reciprocating even as his thoughts continued to turn over and over.

…

For the rest of the month, Matt and Severide spoke a lot more: casual messages in the day and stilted conversations at night. When Marco left Chicago again to go to meetings, Matt started having dinner over at Severide and Shay’s. On a few occasions, he ended up staying the night with Shay joking about the three of them having sleepovers – insisting Matt bring marshmallows and candy as well as beer – though Kelly drew the line at pillow forts apparently.

Although Kelly never explicitly said anything, Matt noticed he looked a little less tired in the mornings after they’d spent a few hours on the couch together after Leslie had gone to sleep. 

One night, Kelly talked about his parents’ reaction when he’d come out to them. His mother had been surprised but had quickly reassured him that he had her support. His father had been…

“Well, he’d been Benny about it.­” Kelly explained. “Asking me if I wasn’t confused or whatever.”

Matt and Leslie sympathized, with Leslie suggesting some good resources to send to Benny.

“My parents read this stuff when I came out cos they really didn’t know much. I think it helped them.”

Kelly hugged her and Matt tactfully ignored the audible sniffs.

The next day during his and Matt’s weekly call, Marco hadn’t seemed too interested to hear about how Kelly’s parents had reacted to his coming out. At first, Matt had attributed this to Marco being busy, but then thought again.

“How is your family?” He asked.

Papers rustled on Marco’s side. “Thanks for asking. Well, they’re still my family. Sofia’s got a promotion though, so she’s pretty excited. Wants to throw a huge party and invite all the high school bullies who told her she’d never make it – a big ‘screw you’, you know?”

“Good for her.” Matt leant against the wall, looking at his socked feet. “I’m sorry if I’ve been distracted lately, what with everything going on.”

Marco sighed. “You’ve had a lot to deal with. I’m just being dramatic, ignore me.”

“I’m still sorry.” Matt offered, anxiety creeping up on him. 

“Are you beating yourself up about this?” Marco asked, exhaustion mingling with affection in his voice.

Matt closed his eyes and imagined Marco was in the room with him. “Maybe a little.”

Marco hummed. “You’re a good guy, Matt. I know you’ll always be there for your family.”

“You’re part of that family.”

The line crackled and Marco didn’t say anything.

“Marco? You still there?”

“Yeah. Look I got an early start tomorrow…”

“Okay, yeah. Tell me how it goes.”

“I will. Night.”

“Night.­”

Matt pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at Marco’s name on the screen; gut clenching. He’d do better, he decided, putting his phone away. Starting from tomorrow.

…

The shift before Shay was due back, Kelly came out to the House. His father was still ‘adjusting’, Kelly told Matt one night over the phone, but Kelly was done with waiting for the approval. So he came in during breakfast and just said.

“Listen up! I’m bi. If you don’t know what that is: read a book and no, I’m not attracted to any of you so don’t get any ideas.”

Then he ambled over to the hot plate to get some food. Matt leaned against the wall and watched everyone’s reactions, pleased to see no flashes of disgust.

“Okay, noted.” Mouch said first, turning his head away from the TV, sounding taken aback but not judgemental.

“I don’t care what you call yourself, as long as you keep coming to Molly’s on the regular. You’re a real draw for the ladies.” Herrmann commented before going back to his eggs.

“Won’t be a problem I don’t think Herrmann.­” Otis replied, watching Severide out of the corner of his eye.

Mills, who was dishing up things, merely said. “Good for you, bacon?”

Meanwhile on the round table, Capp and Tony seemed completely unsurprised. So much so, Capp launched into a story about his mom’s latest confrontation with her busy-body neighbor as soon as Severide sat down. 

Casey felt a presence behind him and turned to see Boden hovering a few feet away in the hallway. Boden raised an eyebrow and Matt nodded, smile playing on his lips. 

As part of their response to the ‘Welch incident’, the brass had decided on another round of sensitivity training – though this time they limited it to higher ranking officers. The idea was that the officers would be told in no uncertain terms that part of their duties included weeding out intolerance and supporting minority fire fighters and paramedics in their departments/houses.

Boden had expressed doubts about how effective this would be on the Chiefs he knew, but Casey hadn’t expected much of anything so he wasn’t bothered for his own sake.

Once word spread about Severide’s sexuality, however, Casey began keeping a closer eye on the

officers they interacted with, both rig commanders and Chiefs.

In terms of the latter, there was of course the intolerant camp whose respect for Benny at least limited their opposition to mutterings between themselves and certain looks whenever they saw Severide. Severide himself never told Casey about any encounters but whenever he had to go to OFI or Head Office, Casey made a point of asking the other squad guys if anything had happened. Luckily they were all stealth enough that Severide never found about this and therefore couldn’t order his guys not to rat. On one occasion Tony went out of his way to Casey to update him on a Chief who’d been obvious about their disapproval. It really made Casey breathe a little easier when Severide was out of his sight. 

Not all the brass viewed Severide differently, however, one or two chatted to Boden about the ‘development’ in a neutral or even praising way. They were more likely to be younger chiefs or captains but a few of Boden and Benny’s old allies also weren’t particularly bothered. There were enough of them to prevent any immediate blowback from the disgruntled group, though Boden warned that future conversations about promotions or awards could be affected.

In contrast, the lower ranks weren’t shy about expressing either their support or bigotry.

Taking into account the ‘Welch incident’, some houses had the impression that Severide’s outburst was a declaration of a hidden relationship between him and Casey, which lead to kissy faces, muttered slurs and distrustful eyes.

The fallout from said incident, however, ensured no one was brave enough to show outright insubordination or reportable hostility. Indeed, the new Lieutenant of Truck 66 wasn’t friendly, but he showed no disgust whenever they shared calls and worked well with both Severide and Casey.

An incredibly smaller number saw Severide as unhinged and unreliable and also expressed this view openly. Squad 6, in particular, voiced reluctance to work with Squad 3 – according to Mouch’s sources – though thankfully they hadn’t actually crossed paths on a fire-ground as of yet. Casey had his doubts as to whether their convictions would stand up if tested, but part of him really didn’t want to find out.

Severide snorted when Mouch tactfully mentioned it, but Casey could tell he did take it seriously. It was there in the staccato pacing in his office, the far away stare as he slouched in his chair at the squad table; the white-knuckle grip on his halligan on firegrounds with intolerant houses.

Unable to really help in anyway, no bigot was going to listen to him of all people, Casey settled for showing his support and ignoring any low-level harassment he received whilst on shared calls. On occasion, he overheard Truck reply sarcastically to something he hadn’t heard and despite part of him wanting to insist they keep their noses clean, couldn’t help but smile. 

…

Things settled into a new normal at work, which Matt wasn’t entirely happy with but didn’t feel the need to complain about. Then he came back to the house one day to find Marco and his manuscript in the dining room.

“I would ask if you’ve made your mind up but I already know.” Marco began, mouth turned down.

Matt laid down his bag on the floor and rested his hands on the back of a chair.

“I just don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable with it.”

Marco ran a thumb over the spine of the manuscript. “That’s not really it though, is it?” He looked up. “The reason why I feel so much… dread.”

Matt swallowed. “I love you.”

“But…” Marco prompted, almost smiling.

Feeling numb, Matt said. “­But I don’t see a future for us. I don’t know why, I…”

Now Marco did smile, brows pinching together. His voice was hoarse as he said. “I was afraid it was that.”

Heart burning, Matt walked around the table and sat in the chair next to his boyfriend. He took Marco’s hand.

“I think I’ve known for a while.” Marco sniffed. “I just didn’t want to admit it.­”

Feeling his own eyes watering, Matt said. “I love you. I owe you so much. You’ve been here for me so many times, I can’t ever thank you enough.”

Marco chuckled wetly. “I love you too, and you can be pretty supportive yourself.” He squeezed Matt’s hand. “I’ve really loved our time together.”

“I’m sorry.” Matt said, wiping a tear from Marco’s cheek.

“Don’t be. Not everything is built to last.”

They sat there holding hands, for a long time. Then Marco took in a deep breath and got up to pack a night bag. “I’ll come back for the rest later.”

Feeling miserable, Matt nodded and followed Marco to the door.

Marco opened the latch but turned without moving the door. “About Kelly. Don’t wait too long.”

Matt frowned, mouth falling open slightly. “I…”

Marco kissed him on the cheek. “Seriously, it’s making _me_ sad and frustrated.”

Swallowing, Matt felt his eyes soften. “Okay.”

“Bye, Matt.”

“Goodbye, Marco.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quickly: season 2 Herrmann says ignorant things but not from any malice. He's presented very much as a 'live and let live' kind of guy - he may not understand other sexualities but he'll run into a burning building for anyone. I wanted to show that kind of attitude as I think its in line both with the character and real world reactions. This does not mean I condone his ignorant comment here, but I don't think the other characters would take offence so I didn't deal with it in the fic.   
> I really loved his reaction to Ritter coming out in the show, the easy acceptance shows such great subtle character growth imo.   
> please let me know if you're bothered by the way I handle anything, all constructive criticism welcome.   
> Just one more part after this, hope to get it up this month. Thanks so much for reading.  
> :D

**Author's Note:**

> “¿Qué pasó? Mi amor, ¿estás bien?” = What happened? My love, are you okay? 
> 
> Shay doesn’t get injured at Chicago Med in this because of her injury at the warehouse explosion later. No one dies because I say so.


End file.
